Harriet and Herbert's Day at the Beach

 

Why?

I was just looking for some background noise and did not expect to end up actually watching the movie.

What in the world?

A store-bought hermit crab and a wild hermit crab end up falling in love and trying to find each other through the entire thing. Wild antics ensue and it turns into a week instead of a day. Hate to break it to you but that's just how it is. 

Personal thoughts

This movie was pretty great. I found myself cracking up at some of the jokes which I have to admit is a bit sad. I was devastated to see that there were songs in the movie because that's just my curse when it comes to these kinds of things. This movie included real live people in it for some reason which didn't add much to the movie and just made it more horrific than it already was. 

Score 

I am going to give this movie a 7 out of 10. The characters were intriguing, but the dialogue was horrendous. Also, the songs were really, really, really bad. There were only two of them but each one was soul-sucking and hard to watch. It's like if you took drugs for the first time. At least I think so I've never actually done drugs only used the analogy before. Anyway, it's worth the watch if you have barely over an hour to kill.

Watch what you love,

Your fellow film watcher

Millionaire Dog

 

Why?

I was tired of watching YouTube, so I decided to switch over to good old Tubi and found this movie. 

What in the world?

A greedy businessman wants to use a dog as a spokesperson for his company but is devastated to learn that he wants nothing to do with his practices. He then tries to kidnap the dog from the dog's personal assistant and wacky antics ensue. The ending is very cute and had no right to do that to me.

Personal thoughts

The dog was too cute. Everything he did was awesome, and I fully support this movie as one of the greats. When the dog is sitting on a chair at the beginning, it was probably the best thing I've seen in a long time when it comes to Tubi movies. I guess the people actors were good too, but the dog was the best part obviously. 

Score

I am going to give this movie a 9 out of 10. It was great and I'm not just being bribed. There was a swordfight in it for crying out loud. The only reason I didn't give it a 10 out of 10 was because of all the stupid romance subplots. I did not want to see that in my movie about a dog being kidnapped. It ended with a set-up for a sequel, but I didn't find anything that related so here we go.

Sequel?

The main antagonist has just broken out of prison and has fled to one of the many castles that he owns. Unaware that the dog no longer owns the mansion, he goes back disguised as a veterinarian in to do a monthly checkup. He is immediately recognized by the main protagonist (human-wise anyway), and they have another swordfight. This time the guy wins because he has the help of pound owner Dave or whatever his name is. They get rid of him and then spend the rest of the movie trying to free all the children that he was exploiting for slavery in Thailand. Again, if you know the director somehow do not tell them about this. 

The Adventures of Acela

 

Why?

At this point, I don't even know if this needs to be a thing anymore. It was on Tubi, and I needed something to watch. Simple as that. 

What in the world?

A girl gets left in town by her father and she insists on meeting an old man in the forest (not creepy because he is magic). She then learns that he is sick and has to climb a mountain so that he can have the flower of life. 

Personal thoughts

Too many animals. I never thought that would be a problem I had with a movie but here we are. They had lingering shots on animals because they thought that they looked good or something. Also, the green alien was my favorite part. He just showed up and everybody was having the time of their life while dancing to the most basic electronic music ever. It was amazing and I was not expecting it.

Score

I have to give this movie a 4 out of 10. While this movie was predictable, at the same time it wasn't. You could predict what they were going to show next but then you would be astounded to find out that you were wrong half of the time. Nothing these people did mattered in the end because they basically made a wish to an old man, and he granted it to them. The movie also ends abruptly and then starts showing quotes from well-known people about the importance of education. It was bizarre and felt like an eternity but if you need something on in the background then also don't pick this movie because there is rarely any background noise. 

Watch what you love,

Your fellow film watcher 

Tales of a Fifth Grade Robin Hood

 

Why?

I couldn't find anything to watch and I just kind of settled for this movie.

What in the world?

A very unrealistic vice principal steals money from kids to become school board president. He is then stopped by fifth graders. Hope I didn't spoil that for anyone.

Personal thoughts

This movie was alright. I'm not going to say that it was good, and I am not going to say that it was bad. The premise was very unrealistic, and you could tell that it was made for kids. This is evident when they have all the slow mo shots of the rube goldberg's in this movie. 

Score

I have to give this movie a 5 out of 10. A lot of the movie was slow mo shots (that's what it felt like at least). I can see why this movie is for kids and I can see the appeal that it would have if you wanted to distract your child for a little while. It had some charm with the goons but then they immediately lost their charm when they moved for the first time (yeah I don't know how else to word that).

Watch what you love,

Your fellow film watcher

Snowmance

 

Why?

Aimlessly scrolling through Tubi led me to this gem a while ago. Only recently did I get the time to watch it.

What in the world?

Two best friends grow up and build a snowman every year so that the woman feels less alone. She gets desperate and puts a scarf on a snowman and then BOOM Frosty scenario. Except he doesn't have a pipe or a broom, he's just some guy that loves snow.

Personal thoughts

This movie was a trip. A good one but a trip. Hank didn't deserve the fate that evolved him. See above picture for my boy Hank. It's the snowman. He gets murdered by the main love interest. That's one of the only things that really stuck with me about this movie except for the scarf, which I will address in a different section.

Score

I have to give this movie a 7 out of 10. To be fair, I don't remember all the little details about this movie, but I remember enough to give it a score. The main couple at the end was okay but I feel like the buildup to it was pretty lacking. I don't think I could have written this any better though so. 

The scarf

I have a theory. I think the main love interest was the scarf that was put on the snowman. He immediately suspected that the guy who showed up to the main lady's house was their snowman. Word association is something you could say as an excuse, but I refuse to believe you. He knew what was going to happen and tries to bait Cole (human snowman) into revealing his lack of human knowledge and personality. He also goes out of his way to edit Cole out of the magazine without knowing if his friend/crush would go to Paris with Cole or not. He wouldn't have done that if he didn't know that Cole was going to be gone. His whole story doesn't make sense. I hear you saying, "Oh, her scarf was her mother's which implies that it's her mom." No. It has to be the guy because he knows too much and never explains what he knows. 

Watch what you love,

Your fellow film watcher

Wings: Sky Force Heroes

 

Why?

I just needed to find something to watch and here it is. The movie that was actually pretty good. 

What in the world?

A plane goes through a traumatic experience which makes him quit his job. This leads to him getting a job to fly cargo. 

Personal thoughts

This movie was actually decent. I know that's pretty much praise in terms of things that I watch but it wasn't the best. I thought some of the planes would die and I think only one of them did. To be honest, the part where the one plane "died" I zoned out on so know I have no idea if he died or not. I was almost distraught about a character's death so I might have gotten just a bit too attached. 

Score

I have to give this movie a 6 out of 10. It had some great dialogue and some of the jokes were just pretty good. They did a random coordinated dance for no reason. I also zoned out at that part but I'm not too sure if that was part of the plot or not.

Watch what you love,

Your fellow film watcher

Tarzan of the Apes

 Why? 

Well to find all the good gems, I have decided to type in two random letters (coherent of course) and then see what pops up in the Tubi search bar.

What in the world?

If you've never heard of Tarzan, he is a boy raised by apes and he falls in love with a girl who visits the island. 

Personal thoughts

Was not disappointed to find out that this movie was secretly a musical. It was a hidden gem within a gem. Tarzan's iconic war cry is cut short in the film which makes it even more memorable in my opinion. The fight scenes were never lacking in this movie which doesn't even make sense. The best part though is when he goes to civilization dressed all nice and then he just rips off his shirt for no reason. I loved it because it was just super weird.

Score 

I have to give this movie a 7 out of 10. I was never bored, and it was great to just see some apes fighting each other while working on their war cries. I think one of the apes died because he fell from up high, but it's never gone over. It's just really weird altogether and works if you're looking for less than an hour of entertainment. 

Watch what you love,

Your fellow film watcher

Once Upon a Winter's Date

 

Why?

Welcome to February everyone. As we all didn't know, Prime has given us our Hallmark movies for the month. This just happened to be one of them. 

What in the world?

A woman gets trapped in Valentine's Day by a woman with a dog. She cannot escape unless she finds her soulmate.

Personal thoughts

This movie was very interesting and predictable (as are most Hallmark movies) and the main love interest did not look like a photocopy of all the other actors I've seen. It was really interesting to see how this woman took being stuck in the same day and it seemed to work very well for her. Her dog and all the dogs in this movie were very cute and made the whole movie to be honest. 

Score

I have to give this movie a 4 out of 10. Okay there was a background character that seemed like he would be important but then never got any screen time. It would have been nice to see office guy do some stuff, but he just decided to stare at the main lady while she did her job. The cat food company bit of the movie was so repetitive, and I swear it took up a third of the movie and it was almost the same thing the whole time. I like how the dogs were in the ending shot. It's just the simple things. 

Watch what you love,

Your fellow film watcher

A Very Country Christmas

 

Why?

Again, I needed something to watch. Also, this picture sums up the movie pretty well even though it is very pixelly. 

What in the world?

A runaway country singer finds his way to his summer camp summer home and meets a woman. They fall in love for some reason, and such is the way of the romance movie. 

Personal thoughts

It was very odd. I thought that the guy lacked personality traits that would be enticing to this single mother. He did give her kid a lot of things but that doesn't mean that you should fall in love. The main guy's brother had more of a character arc through this movie than the actual main character. 

Score

I have to give this movie a 4 out of 10. It was better than some things I have seen recently but none of the main characters were exactly interesting. They each got their happy ending in the end because the kid just wants her mom to hook up with someone and every other character just wants them to be happy. My boy Billy was the best though and I wish him all the luck setting up his fake record company because when I was looking for a picture for this movie, I found out there was a sequel. AHH (excitement)! I have no idea if it's free or not though so there is that little obstacle.

Watch what you love,

Your fellow film watcher

The Legend of the Titanic

 

Why?

I wanted to kill time and found this movie. I don't remember the process.

What in the world?

Telling of the Titanic but it's all well and good because no one really dies except for some people at the end. They were bad people anyway so they kind of try and justify why they died and no one else really did. 

Personal thoughts

Sorry not sorry but the mouse should have stayed dead. There's no way that he was alive. My boy, Camembert (see picture), was freaking electrocuted and he came back to life at the end when they showed the wedding. NO. WAY. It's an injustice to all the people who got electrocuted. Yes, this story is super insensitive to the tragedy of the Titanic but my personal quarrel with this movie is the not death of this mouse. 

Score

I have to give this movie a 3 out of 10. I wish more people would have died because hello massive tragedy that happened in real life. The octopus should have never had a fake death because I felt no pity. The dad of the main girl should have drowned, and they shouldn't have been able to save them. The captain of the Titanic should have gone down with his ship because that's what he wanted to do before dumb octopus came and saved him before he even saved the main characters of the movie. They fell from super high up and didn't die. Overall, it was pretty entertaining for the most part though so yeah.

Watch what you love,

Your fellow film watcher

Scotty Chase: 2075

 

Why?

Do I even have to explain anymore? I mean look at this great picture for the movie. It's just mesmerizing how bad it looks. 

What in the world?

Three children and their parents embark on a space quest to a moon station. While there, a guy with only a mouth tries to kill the children because they did something evil to him. No idea what that even means but it must have been really bad if he just wants to mercilessly kill kids.

Personal thoughts

I appreciate the ending. Not how it doesn't have a sequel but how it ends. I don't want to spoil it because it was so surprising and funny that I recommend watching it just for yourself. I love the subtitles that go along with this movie. Mainly because they aren't subtitles, they're just words that describe what's happening on the screen. 

Score

I have to give this movie a 6 out of 10. Yes, it can be slow paced at times but if it can keep my sister entertained even when they walk forever then you know it's good. I so badly wished that this movie had a sequel. It's just so bad that it's good. If it had a sequel hmmmm.

Sequel Pitch?

Scotty and friends are sitting and eating their spaghetti and meatballs. Their parents talk about the problems with the lasers and how that could affect the space station. The kids decide not to tell their parents about the recent attempt on their lives. The evil guy switches his plan for taking out the space station and enlists the help of the bully in the previous movie. The bully wants to beat up Scotty so bad that he decides to take his place in Scotty's family. His family loves the bully more than Scotty and so begins the end of the space station. If anyone knows the director do not tell him this information because I'm too lazy to write his script. 

Watch what you love,

Your fellow film watcher